All the stories below are true, with the names unchanged to protect no-one.
'20 Metres Short'
I will change the name of the unfortunate person in the following True story we shall call him Jim Bell just to save his blushes.
Jim Bell and Alan Raffle were drinking late one night at the Rugby Club. It was way past closing time and neither Jim or Alan could really care.
Alan was beginning to lock up when Jim said 'Alan, I need to have a Dump'
Alan replied 'But I have just set the alarms, we need to get out'
Jim sighed and said, 'it's okay Alan, I'll make it home'
Alan and Jim then duly left the club and went there separate ways home.
Next morning, Jim arrived at the club and Alan greeted him with 'Morning Jim', make it home last night' to which Jim replied.
'Almost Alan, I was 20 Metres short'
Friday 10th September I was spending the usual Friday evening at the Rugby Club, trying to consume as many Pints per Hour as possible to get myself into perfect condition for the following days game.
There I was sitting down contemplating life (as you do) with Jim Bell, Alan Raffle (yes, them two again) Colin Corner (My Brother), Paul Charlton and 'Walrus Ray'.
'Walrus Ray' pulled out a cigarette (one of many) and began to light it.
Several puffs later he began to grumble that he must have picked up the 'Light' brand of cigarettes.
Then Alan began to chuckle quietly to himself as the realisation set in that 'Walrus Ray' had lit the wrong end and he was smoking the filter first.
On Friday the 16th July 1999 saw another very successful bike ride leave from the clubhouse and embark on a journey to the Deleval Arms, Bee Hive, Red Lion, Melbourne Arms, Fat Ox, Queen Victoria, Hastings Arms, Keel Row and finally returning to the club at around 11.00pm. Having sampled a pint or two in each pub en route, we were all a touch worse for wear. On return to the club, I heard some wonderful stories about the epic journey home through the farmers fields, how Tony Smithson, a young scrum half and a bike ride virgin bit the dust three times, how our first team captain Steve Hall and centre Scott Robinson took a wrong turn and ended up caring their bikes on their shoulders
and making it home commando style through the 'corn on the cobs' as coony called them.
We had Jan (fat nick) wound up to hilt when we started a nasty rumour about Ricky Sparks leaving Blyth and signing for Ashington RFC. Jan can remember the days when they used to train on Cowpen fields in front of car headlamps playing with a brick instead of a ball ??? If you cut Jans arm it would bleed black and green !!! So he says, anyway ??
Training on Saturday was fun, running round like headless chickens with terrible hangovers. It was still enjoyable once we ran the alcohol out of our systems. Peter Bell took training helped by Jan Nicholson. Jan had to send Keny Robinson off, because he tried to knock the tackle bag into the next millennium, but missed and smacked into Darren Laughlin's face
with his forehead. Off Darren went to hospital for stitches in his top lip and a tooth hanging out, and off Keny went to the changing rooms, sent off by Jan for hitting the bag dangerously when Darren (who is getting married to Jan's
daughter) was holding it. With all respects to Darren though, there was no malicious intent by Keny, he didn't do it on purpose, it was a pure accident.
Officials at Blyth Rugby Club told of their anguish after a huge crater appeared in the middle of the 1st XV pitch.
"We pride ourselves on the condition of the pitch, but this morning when we arrived there was a gigantic crater in the middle of the pitch and part of the fence was flattened" and insider said.
Richard Sparks (Baboon) a player at the club is said to be helping police with their inquiries, after a passer by spotted him taking a short cut home across the field. "He was drunk and kept falling over" said the witness.
Police where puzzled when they turned up at Blyth Rugby Club investigating a disturbance and found everyone had left the premises.
"We just can't understand it" said Detective Superintendent Steve Pattinson. "It was only 3 in the morning and the bar was closed, I just can't believe it " he slurred.
One Friday evening while playing cards at the club, inside centre, Chris Hogg stood up and went to the little boy's room. There was Darren Cunningham, David Little, Andrew Jackson, John Johnson, Keny Robinson and of course, Chris, playing three card brag.
While Chris was at the toilet, we all decided to fix the cards. We fixed it so Chris would be dealt with three aces, I would get nothing in my hand, along with everyone else, except Andrew Jackson.
Anyway, Chris came back from the loo and I dealt the cards, everyone played at least once to avoid Chris getting suspicious, after a while of Chris and Andrew going blind, we all stacked our hands and left them to bet against each other. There was about six or seven pounds in the pot by now. Chris decided to have a look at his hand, he tried to keep a straight face, but we could all see his delight at three aces, the betting continued until there was around twenty five pounds in the middle. We could tell Chris was over the moon at three aces and he did not want to stack them, but, Andrew was still blind.
In the end Chris decided that he didn't want to take all of his friends money off him, so decided to see, or call Andrew. So, Andrew said, "What you got , Chris", to which Chris replied, with a grin from ear to ear, " Read them and weep" as he placed his cards face up on the table. As Chris bent over and started to collect all his winnings, Andrew put his cards face up on the table too. Chris screamed and jumped back, nearly falling over the chair !!!
I had given Andrew the highest hand possible, three three's!!!!!!!
Story courtesy of Darren Cunningham
On the night of Friday 25 September, two vehicles were spotted driving past a house in Kingsway road, Blyth, with their engines and lights turned off. The cars were parked and the drivers spotted running from the scene.
The suspects turned up later at Blyth Rugby Club, heavily out of breath. When questioned by the Blyth RFC's SAS Squad, it was found that Jimmy Bell and Alan Raffle had dropped their cars of at home, allowing them to stay at the club and get drunk!
Unfortunately because Jimmy's dog's recognise the sound of both their cars, the dogs would have alerted Jimmy's wife to their scheme. This forced the two into parking their cars at Jimmy's with the engines turned off.
More stories to follow.........
